Time waits for no one.
Time is the thing that haunts us. In life there are times that we lose, outgrow, break-up, turn our backs, refuse to see what is in front of us, or become what we fear the most. And let me tell you, fear is a powerful companion. It can get us out of bed in the morning, motivating us to move or it can cause us to lay down and give up the fight. Fear can cause us to hesitate when decisions need to be made. It can also cause us to freeze when we need to move. Fear is a response that often causes us to lose a massive amount of time. In this month’s series of blogs, I want to continue to lay the groundwork. Let’s talk about what happens when time is the ONLY focus. I know I was pretty direct last time we chatted, I can’t help it, it is part of my prickliness. I have little time for small talk and absolutely NO time to waste. You see, I know the commodity which is time.
This post is all about TIME.
Time…as in the seconds, between a decision that turned out to not be your best. Time…as in minutes, with your newborn child. Time…as in hours, ticking down to that moment in which everything changed. Time…as in days, that are dwindling down with a family member that is barely hanging on. Time…as in seasons, that you wait for the dream that is always fleeting. Time…as in a trip around the sun, awaiting the quest to be “better” the next go around. Time…as in years, watching your hopes and dreams become everyone else’s reality. Time…as in decades, that you run hard after something that never materializes. Time…as in a lifetime, waiting to find contentment and happiness.
Time that gets separated into the before and after. The better or worse times. At this point, I know better and want you to as well. And because I know better, I try to do better and I want that for you too. Time…what a truly precious commodity.
Spine Check
Time is a precious commodity that shouldn't be wasted by inviting a lot of people...or any people. Unhealthy…possibly. Sound advice…not a chance. My jam…absolutely. Here is where I talk about trauma responses again. Back to that innate Flight response that we all have, but in which I am a certified expert. Pair this with my introvert tendency and you have the perfect conditions to never see a sighting of me! It isn’t so much about time with me, it is about the constant concern of managing people. It, literally, exhausts me. Time is the constant and I’m comfortable with that. People are the wildcard.
Who hears me and feels this on a gut level?
Truth nugget. Get some dipping sauce for this one.
Brace yourself, this truth arrow might be aimed right at you. Do not stop reading. Keep going. You’ve come this far. Back to the boundary and trauma response talk in the blog titled Sit in the Stink. Ain’t nobody got time for fawning when it comes to time.
Real talk here: When someone says to you I just haven’t had time, they are really saying I haven’t made time. What I’ve learned is that we should spend our time doing WHAT we love, with WHO we love, because time is the focus. Who you make time for in your lives, determines the level of priority you are willing to give to them and vice versa.
This is a double-sided coin, someone needs to hear this: STOP allowing people who don’t put you on the A-list, regularly and repeatedly, to have a miraculous change of heart. Don’t wait for someone to show up for you. Find those people who can’t wait to show up for you and will move mountains and earth to do so. I would venture to say those who think you are the bees knees will always have time for you and those that don’t, never truly saw all of your beauty and wisdom.
Flip that coin, Cacti tribe. Please allow yourself to make mistakes in this journey of life and recognize some of your spiny habits as counter-productive and yes…unhealthy. We have to allow people in. We need each other. And it is totally okay to be selective in who gets our precious time. But don’t ‘trauma response’ yourself into loneliness. It solves nothing. Trust me, I all but built this little cottage on that deserted mountainside.
Just call me Bob. I build things.
This deserted cottage that I’ve constructed on the side of the mountain is not one of those HGTV finds that awes the socks off you. It does have a million dollar view, but a doozy of a front stoop. Watch your step. No, seriously, watch your step.
Now I am not being Judgy McJudgerson here - the house is just fine. But it is the logistical placement of it that makes it a nightmarish commute. The isolation, even for an introvert, is difficult after a while. The walls, oh boy, they are so thick, ensuring nothing gets in...literally nothing. Unless I open the door for you and I am more than likely going to pretend I’m not home. You’ve done this…tell the truth, shame the devil. Me too. I am here for it.
I am this house. Listen up, I’ve got some renovation projects happening that I think you will be able to get on board with. I am working on adding a front porch that is good for sittin’ and sippin’ and relishing in the view. I’m really making some progress. The walls are starting to come down and in time the open concept design where those who are in my squad can be all together, will be one that I will be really proud of. Cacti tribe, you gettin’ the vibes? Just like this house’s construction issues, we’ve developed habits along the way that keep us sunbaked, stuck, thirsty, exhausted, and prickly. We may also be stuck on a mountain ledge home, of our own creation, with no safe step and no rescue in sight. Maybe you need to sit a spell, contemplating your next step. There is no time like the present. Time is the only required commodity for healing.
No one knows more than a Cactus, what it feels like to go through a dry time. A time when we can’t seem to quench the thirst for some normalcy. Believe me, we would give anything to feel “normal” or go back to the before (fill in your own personalized moment). Some give everything. I would give almost everything I have to feel those little fingers curled around mine again. Holding on like his life depended on me in that moment and every moment after that. Time: my commodity that gives life to my memories of him.
Our Time is NOW.
There are moments that feel like home and then there are moments that feel like hell. Time is fleeting and we must treat it with the respect it deserves. Stay with me. Keep showing up. Our time is now. We are embracing the hard, sitting in the stink, and building and re-building our mind homes into a place of beauty and peace. We were made for a time such as this. We're busy healing. We're busy pushing boundaries. We're busy being awesome. Use your time wisely, sweet cactus. Heal up and step back into yourself. If you see me walking around with a gang of cacti friends all spiny with all our prickliness - pull up a chair. We could sure use a good friend right now.
Natalie Blackmon, MS in Human Development & Leadership
Trauma Informed Yoga Instructor
Editor credits: Becky Simmons
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