Welcome to Candied Cactus. So glad you are here.
Judging by the title of this blog, you may be thinking it’s about a green-thumbed plant lady nurturing her newest plant friend. If you are that plant lady, I am in awe of your talents because in all my life, I have never had any green thumb wizardry. So if you are here for cactus advice, you are in the wrong place. Unless you are looking for ways to send one off to the great big plant heaven in the sky, in that case I’ve got you covered.
But that isn't why I'm here. I'm here to talk about why I'm so prickly and share a little love for my tribe of fellow cacti. I know you are out there and I want you to know that you are truly amazing, spines and all.
How You Know You are a Cactus.
I would love to tell you that being a cactus is something that just happens when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. That it is just a mood for a moment, you know that "extra salty mood' kind of day! But it’s not, its a part of me that is always present and I came to realize this and that I was unapproachable when several people brought it to my attention at different times in my life. It was a reoccurring theme that I could no longer shrug off as moment.
Gonna be honest, it kinda hurt. I could not grasp why someone would think I was so intimidating. I had always lumped intimidation into a category that was based on physical size and stature. And if you have ever seen me, my size and stature is far from overwhelming. I am the girl that has a hard time activating the airbag in the passenger seat kind of small. So I realized that couldn’t be the cause of the intimidation but that maybe my prickly attitude was. Hence, my cactus status.
You see, I am a bit of a tornado and in my mind, I like to think of it as a tornado of fun and good times. With a wild mop of long, curly hair - you seriously can't miss me. I twirl into a room like a ball of energy all jacked up on Mountain Dew. I have come realize this comes across as extremely intense. But it also has its perks! Set me loose on a project and I will finish it every time. Provide me with problems and I'll give you solutions, achieve it and offer no excuses. An unfinished project nags me and people who can't commit to things are hard for me to understand.
Any of this hitting home for you?
What I've Learned...Did you Know?
Recently I learned that being a cactus is absolutely related to past experiences and some trauma responses, which I will tell you about later. My unapproachability isn’t about keeping people away but more so related to self-protection and preservation. Partly my natural state, but mostly learned behavior and boundaries are my jam! Except most of the time, my boundaries are rigid and very unaccommodating. Which makes it a struggle for others to join me and be part of my life. Admittedly this is not one of my better qualities. But it is a quality that helps me understand the full picture of my cactus-ness. The icing on the cake? It would be that I am one of those unicorn introverts that can also be an extrovert! But sometimes it is painful, uncomfortable, and not to mention draining. Who am I kidding?!? It is draining ALL the time! Which is why I require a fair amount of alone time to just get myself together after a day of peopling.
Do you feel this in your roots?
Time for a little Self-Assessment, I know, cringe.
You might be a Cactus if....
You are really sweet (like candy) and so empathetic on the inside…but your face...your face sends a different message entirely.
You can find 11 reasons why the glass is half empty...eternal pessimist.
You legitimately can't hide your disdain for small talk.
You keep a very small circle because your energy doesn't allow for more than that. Just the thought of expanding it, makes your palms sweat.
You will say NO to an opportunity because you can immediately list off 10 things that could go wrong when in reality they have a tiny chance of actually happening.
You are the voice of reason for your circle and you take that responsibility very seriously.
You’ve never met a challenge you did not want to achieve, crush, conquer, etc.
You have an innate ability to manipulate, I mean, LEAD people. You have learned to reserve the power of manipulation for very particular situations.
You show up & walk into a room like you own it, all while thinking of 20 reasons of why you are not prepared for this moment. Also, you just want to go home and put on your sweatpants and sit on the couch and have been known to do this.
Time is a precious commodity that shouldn't be wasted by inviting a lot of people...or any people.
Mach-speed and exhausted are the only two states in which you exist.
You are starting to feel empowered by all of this and realize there is an explanation for all of your charm and quirks.
Some of this was meant to be funny and all of it is authentically real and have been my life experiences. I've learned to not be ashamed of this. Because at the end of the day, I don't know how to not be me. I urge you to continue reading because if you aren't a cactus - I guarantee you know one and if you are just realizing that you are prickly, it is okay. We are survivors.
My Cacti Friends: Things are NOT what they may seem.
You see, I misunderstood unapproachable as mean and prickly as undesirable. But in reality those are the very things that keep cacti alive. Just like a cactus, you are prickly for a purpose. Cacti have spines (not thorns). You need them to survive. There is a way to differentiate spines and thorns. Thorns are just branches of the plant. Spines are actually highly sophisticated with an intense purpose. You see the spines of a cactus actually helps regulate moisture retention. Without moisture the cactus wouldn’t survive. But the spine goes one step further and offers protection for the flesh of the plant. It is no mistake that the very thing that protects a cactus is a defense not an offense. You often find cacti in places that experience extreme temperatures: both hot and cold. Which speaks to a cactus' resilience and ability to survive in this environment and it explains why Cacti folks are powerhouses. Hard tough skin encapsulates a tender, softer center. The sweet part of the cactus. Hard exteriors, soft centers, and tender hearts are where us cacti folk hang out. Hence, the name of this blog: Candied Cactus.
Most people would perceive a prick from the spine of a cactus as a negative experience and understandably so. It hurts. So does life. The incredibly interesting part is when you have the painful encounter with the spine, you are simultaneously having an encounter with the lifeline of the cactus. The painful stuff has a way of bringing new growth and although we don't delight in it...it is necessary. It’s easy to see spring time as a glorious reminder of new growth but we don't often think of a cactus sprouting sharp needles as a positive thing. But with each spine you sprout, you are producing life-sustaining knowledge, techniques, and coping mechanisms that help you slay those emotional dragons that lurk in the shadows of our minds.
My Tribe of Cacti
If you are of the cacti species, come along with me. I've got some things to share with you. If you can't relate to anything you've just read, keep in mind that it is only a matter of time before you might find yourself sprouting some spines. And when that time comes, I'll be here for you and will share my arsenal of prickly pieces that are covered with sweet honeysuckles. So when you see me walking around with a gang of cacti friends all spiny and showing all our prickliness- take note. We're busy healing. We're busy pushing boundaries. We're busy being awesome.
And no matter what life throws at my cacti tribe, we keep showing up.
Natalie Blackmon, Human Development and Leadership, MS degree
Trauma Informed Yoga Instructor @natalieblackmonyoga.com
Editor Credits: Becky Simmons
This is beautiful.
-A Fellow Cacti